I Lost It, Again

Yesterday, I lost it, in public, something that I hadn’t done since her funeral.

We had to watch a documentary on the woman of Juarez, Mexico. Long story short, terrible things are happening to them there. They’re being brutally murdered and no one is really doing anything because there is corruption. I was doing okay until they showed real footage of a child’s funeral. I swore after her funeral, I’d never see another child’s funeral again. Ever. I didn’t ever want to see another mother weep hysterically for her child. I held it together pretty well until we left. I was with two of the girls from my leadership group waiting outside the cafe to eat.

I had to go to the bathroom to hold myself together. When I walked out they were gone.

They’d left me. They didn’t text me to see if I was okay or anything.

I just stood there lost for a moment and then walked away. I was leaving the building when I ran into Greg, one of my roommates gay friends that I like quite a bit. He asked me what was wrong and for a moment, I lost it and sobbed like I had at her funeral.

I swear the only reason I stopped was because I couldn’t breathe. He hugged me and made me promise to text him and gave me a kiss on the forehead. He made me promise that I would be okay before he left me. I nearly cried from that. He cared and it was enough to make me cry again. I couldn’t thank him enough.

I still can’t.

Adri