The real problem I think is that I read for comfort. A lot. And last night I was a little irritated because one of the RA’s had made a gay joke and I didn’t find it funny. On top of that, everyone who made the Dean’s list got invitations for a dinner thing. I didn’t make the Dean’s List this semester. The same RA was like, ‘what? you didn’t get one? It’s because you’re black.” I wanted to hit him. I felt bad enough already, even though I know that I busted my ass to get the grades I got. That was icing on the cake.
I was upset, and I just kept thinking, maybe the frequency was the problem? Every turn around I was blowing through another fic. I read a good million words, I’m pretty sure on Christmas break. I caught up on two stories that I read before, and found one other that I liked. I only went to ao3. That’s my extent. The videos are a no-go though. That’s something that I will definitely have to fight. I’m done with that. Why would I want pleasure at the expense of feeling nasty and dirty and used? God didn’t want sex to be like that. I know that.
So I lasted six days, much longer than I’ve ever stopped reading since I started. The videos? I’ve stopped for longer, but I’m not doing that again.
Sigh, life is hard.
Oh, Fall Out Boy is supposed to be on Jimmy Fallon soon.